I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize