Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize