If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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