I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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