last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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