Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize