can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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