I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize