Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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