Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize