i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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