I wanna bring you to show and tell
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize