never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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