Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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