i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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