if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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