I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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