she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize