so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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