We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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