You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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