He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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