I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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