at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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