I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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