I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize