This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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