if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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