when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize