I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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