She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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