i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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