woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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