dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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