but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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