sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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