the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize