Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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