just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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