sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize