Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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