Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize