So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize