somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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