My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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