Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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