Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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