thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize