The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize