I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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